I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
