I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
