that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
