He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
