I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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