She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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