he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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