Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
