Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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