and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
