you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
what is it with giant penises always finding me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
