I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize