Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
