Your dad touched me again.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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