What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
me + whiskey = a bad person
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
