big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
