How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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