I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This girl is more easily done than said...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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