Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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