I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
