apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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