Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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