So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
