Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
