his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
