found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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