Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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