now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
