i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
