I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
