Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
