I'm lost and stupid without you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
