I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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