I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize