The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
