i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my shit smells like andre
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So squirting runs in the family.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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