i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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