shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
