my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
