who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
