Taylor Swift is so right about you.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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