I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
