she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
