I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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