do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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