I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
