good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
