He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
