everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
