So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
