I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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