Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize