The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
