I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
