Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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