i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
