By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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