If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize