I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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