HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
