if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
