there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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