Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
